Little Anticipated One

Christmas Morning tends to be the perfect day to anticipate a rude awakening. There is something that makes you want to wake up in the stillness of the morning and cause everyone around you to wake up also. 

My husband had such an awakening Christmas morning when I flipped on the lights in our bedroom to show him the clear and definite double lines on the test.

We were to expect a little one in our home end of August.

The joy on my husband's face is the exact response I hoped for, now at 25 weeks, we are growing with more excitement as the little one kicks and pushes around. They joy has been growing every day. 

We were thrilled to tell his folks, knowing it had been a secret wish in their hearts for just such a Christmas surprise. They were all gathered together, his parents, the girls, my brothers, everyone ready to open their presents from "Santa" when we declared there was a present we had to give out first.

Joy filled the room, sweet tears and exclamations of who "knew it!" and who didn't until we confessed we didn't know ourselves until that morning. It was a beautiful time, this little one was loved by so many people already. 

We flew home to my family a few days later, they knew before Brian's family did as was an agreement we made, we told the family furthest away first when we found out. 

The Christmas over Chanukah began for real!

We took a family photoshoot where our home burned down the year before and were given a few props in preparation of the new roots and branches that were taking place

So much has happened in our marriage in such a little time. On October 12th I had my first kiss and was thrilled to give it to the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Our first Christmas together brought news of this sweet darling. All this since Rosh Hashanah began the Jewish year of 5780

What our vision is for 2020 is to delight in the blessings which G-d gives us. Having a baby is a good thing, even if we heard plenty of people tell us to wait a few years and keep that time to ourselves. Our time isn't our own, mine certainly has been given back to me.

15 years ago near Christmas I was a very sick child, bed-ridden and told I would never have children if they went forward with possible cures in organ transplants and chemo therapy. 

Today I am nearly 6 months into this pregnancy and there is no chance I will ever tell a young couple about to get married to take their time, just enjoy it and believe that it is good to bring life into the world, to sacrifice a few of your borrowed years to be a loving and devoted parent. 

If it takes time for other reasons trust G-d that He knows what you need in every season.

As Christians we made some decisions concerning what Godly sexuality in our marriage looks like. We did not want to use any contraceptives, sexual intercourse is intended to bring two people into unity by covenant, how could we do that with a condom between us or knowing that our method of "not getting pregnant" might be killing a fertilized egg, or changing my hormonal make-up for that purpose? I had no health reasons personally to consider that a pill might help, so it was not something I needed to consider, unlike many women who are dealing with terrible health risks which are helped by pills, some of my dearest friends included. 

Instead of trying to counter a possible pregnancy we wanted to trust G-d. And really, how often do you find out you are pregnant on the day we set aside to remember G-d's own incarnate birth?

One thing that breaks our hearts is the genocide of children, in every generation, our most precious and most defenseless population has been hunted in many different ways throughout history. Herod slaughtered all the little boys that he thought might have been Jesus. Pharaoh likewise, attempted to eliminate the threat he thought the hebrews were by having midwives kill the baby boys. 

Charles Dickens writes about the plight of the Victorian children orphaned and on the street, dying or being used as slave labour by the upper class. 

The slave trade is still full of penniless children made to work until they die, human trafficking and sex trafficking remains full of children being misused and abused by grown adults.

Finally we have that behemoth, abortion, which has eliminated over 60 million children from the inconvenience they posed to their parents and to society. 

There are many children who need adults to care for them and rescue them because children are so dependent on good men and women to fight for them. To sacrifice some comfort for their human dignity. 

Are we wild and thoughtless for conceiving a child so early into our marriage?  

Certainly not, when we married with the prospect of the ending of our virginity it became probable that we would have children. We talked about what we wanted that to look like, what we supposed G-d wants that to look like, and concluded that children are a very good thing, and we would not prevent good things from happening. 

2020 looks quite different now than what we pictured back on Christmas Eve, before we knew there was a new life growing to join us, before the world knew that there was a virus out there to shut down normal society and commerce. This year is one of unpredictability. 

One thing is for sure, we can still trust G-d to be faithful. 

One thing I have learned as Brian and I have been falling in love with our child is the truth of what 1 John 4:9-12 says: 

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

We love this baby before she loves us, and she will love us only because we love her. Why can you trust G-d in a time of Covid-19 and so much uncertainty? Because He loves you the way that a parent loves a new born child, without you doing anything for Him, in-fact even after you have caused Him excruciating pain, He is still in love with you, and you can trust Him to care for you and teach you His ways as you walk in His paths. 

Likewise, let us love as He loved us. Being a source of safety and strength to the children who are disowned and abused. Encouragement to the women who are afraid to give birth to a child in a world that has been so painful to them.